Transitions and Defining Our Being

How would you define yourself?  By what markers do you create the definition of your being?

Welcome to the pondering of my mind today.

Today has been a day of transition.  At Emmanuel we celebrated baccalaureate worship.  Ten of our seniors joined us and we celebrated their transition from high school into their future.  It also happened to be the marking of a big transition for me as well.  Today was my last day as the Director of Youth and Family Ministry for Emmanuel Lutheran Church.  It's funny how we, so often, define ourselves by what we currently do.  For the graduates they had identified themselves for so long as students of our community high school.  For me, I identify myself as a youth minister.

For years and years I've said . . . I am a wife.  I am a mother.  I am a youth minister.

I've enjoyed identifying myself in that manner.  It's been very fitting.  It is what I've been called to be.  The only problem now is that . . . I've identified myself in this way and now one part of that is changing.  I am a wife.  I am a mother.  I am a . . . I can no longer say youth minister.  It's only three weeks until I start my new position at Pilgrim Lutheran Church.  However, it's a different position.  I'll be the Minister of Community Life Formation.  (Look for other blog posts about that.  It's going to take me a bit to figure out exactly what all that means!)  I can no longer identify myself as doing specifically youth ministry.  Now many of you may tell me that it's not that big of a change.  I'm still working for a congregation doing ministry.  However, it's a huge change of focus for me.  It's a huge change of direction for me.  For the past sixteen years I've lived, breathed, walked and spoken "youth ministry."  Now, I am making a big transition.  Don't get me wrong, I am extraordinarily excited about this new direction.  I am beyond anxious to dig into what Community Life Ministry means and what it looks like.  However, for just a moment I am hesitant.  It is a step away from the familiar.  It is a new path with new joys and new challenges.

So for now I'm in a struggle to figure out how to redefine my being.

I think I'll take a lesson from the youth ministry that I have done for so long.  I have always told the children and youth . . . "if you don't remember anything else I have ever taught you remember this, YOU are a loved child of God."  The youth heard this with every confirmation lesson, with every devotion and every youth group meeting.  I seriously ingrained this in their brains :)  Now it's time for me to listen.  As I ponder how to define my being I think I'll start with . . .

I am a loved child of God.

I am a wife.

I am a mother.

 . . . I think I'll figure out the rest along the way.

A Day of Sacraments

When you think of baptism . . . what comes to mind?

A subdued church?

A little baby in a slippery white gown 3 times their own body length?

A bunch of people hoping and praying the baby doesn't scream while they are doused with cold water?

Yeah, those things usually come to my mind too.  However, after our experience this weekend baptism has a whole new face in my mind.  It's all about the powerful water, the Holy words, and the incredible promises being made.  

This weekend "T" and "M^" were baptized.  It certainly wasn't like any baptism I had ever been to before!  It was more like a . . . rainy day, camp chapel, guitar sing-a-long, Godparent circle blessing, kiddos serving communion, peace sharing, heart felt prayers, water splashing, wine flowing, bread breaking, Holy Spirit filling, sacrament day!

The original plan was to do a full immersion lake style baptism for both the girls and "T"s first communion.  However, mother nature had different plans with rain in half our state!  Plans changed quick and in the camp chapel we went.  We had friends from all aspects of our life, teachers from school, dance instructors, Pastors, God parents, cousins, and grandparents. all there to celebrate with us.  There was a palpable presence of the Holy Spirit that day.  

Ultimately all of it boils down to God's promises to "T" and "M^".  God loves them beyond measure. God will always love them beyond measure . . . no matter what.  They are beloved children of God. The beauty of this promise is that it is extended to each of us as well.  Maybe no one has told you, or maybe you've forgotten over the years . . . you are a loved child of God.  For ever and ever, no questions asked, no requirements.  You are God's beloved child!  Amen.

A Quick Hello and a Long Goodbye

Our family's story of transition continues to unfold.  My time with Emmanuel Lutheran Church as Director of Youth and Family Ministry will come to an end as of May 31st.  In early June, we'll head South for a new chapter in our lives.  On June 22nd, I'll begin a new call as Minister of Community Life Formation with Pilgrim Lutheran Church.  As life happens right now, we're all swimming in a milieu of grief, joy, uncertainty and excitement.  As we approach June, our path becomes clearer and the realization of moving is setting in. 

Kevin and I had the joy of visiting our new community back in mid April.  It was a wonderful long weekend filled with opportunities to begin relationships with the congregation I will serve.  Beer and Hymns was jolt of lively music, multitudes of conversation and, of course, some flowing spirits!  Our heads spun with a quick tour of the area and looking through 7 homes that were up for rent.  We found some Holy ground with an invitation to experience one of the congregation's small group communities.  Another day was filled with a tour of the church building, a drive and awesome tour around the area, volunteering at a food drive, a church picnic and some time getting to know the senior pastor and his family.  Whew!  It wasn't even Sunday yet!  Sunday morning brought us to 3 worship services, a CARE team meeting, partner Sunday lunch, a council meeting, conversation with an awesome ESOL teacher, and dinner with the discernment team.  Before we flew home, we also squeezed in tours of the local schools and conversation with their administrators. 

Needless to say . . . a quick hello to the people that will be our community.  We were so blessed to have the opportunity to begin some wonderful relationships and get to know those that we will minister alongside.  Thankfully through this time we were also able to secure a rental home, establish where the girls will be going to school, and get permission to paint my office green!  You may laugh about that last one.  However, those that know me well will understand how important that is ;)  The Burke family is so very excited about the new path in our journey. 

There are two sides to this coin though.  With the excitement of something new there is also the other side of grief and loss of what we're leaving behind.  This is a very long goodbye. 

For the past month and half we've been making plans and tying up loose ends.  While we've been planning this for weeks now, the realism of the goodbyes is hitting us full on now.  A couple weeks ago I resigned my position as chair of Crossways Camping Ministry board.  I had the privilege of serving in leadership with that amazing ministry for the past 4 years.  I will truly miss that ministry and those I grew close to through Crossways.  A long goodbye.  Yesterday the girls had their last dance class with their beloved dance teacher.  They, along with their friends, will light up the stage on Friday night at their end of year recital.  We'll miss our dance family.  A long goodbye.  Last night was the last full night I had with all my 60+ confirmation students.  We played at after school ministry, enjoyed dinner together, fueled our faith and finally worshiped together.  My fitting choice of worship theme, being gathered and sent, really brought on some watery eyes.  It was a blur of tears and hugs at the end as I blessed each individual youth for the last time.  However, there were also many smiles, especially when two awesome boys kept hopping back in line.  I think I blessed them each like ... four times!  A long goodbye. 

It's going to be another four weeks of long goodbyes.  This coming Sunday will be the last of Sunday school for the school year.  In a few weeks, I'll meet with my high school youth for the last time.  The girls will finish school.  We'll move the last box out of our home.  Whoa.  Many long goodbyes. 

In the meantime as we live out this transition I pray ... 

I pray for many warm welcomes and friendly faces. 

          I pray for the new ministry we are blessed to join. 
                   
                    I pray for the teary goodbyes we will say and the people that have touched our lives
                    in ways unimaginable. 

                              I pray for the ministry we have been blessed to be a part of that will undoubted
                              continue to grow and blossom. 

                                        I pray for all of us to live out God's call for our lives! 

Amen.

Easter Sunday and Resurrection

CHRIST IS RISEN!!!

HE IS RISEN INDEED!

ALLELUIA!!!  ALLELUIA!!!

What an amazing day of celebration!  Waking up to a living room full of tie dye.  Serving Easter breakfast alongside the amazing youth of our congregation.  Worshiping the risen Christ with my fabulous family.  Giving thanks for our Lord and Savior who died for us, but also LIVES for us!

Easter is my favorite.  Period.  We are freed by what happened this day years and years ago.  We are free from shame.  We are free from sin.  We are free from death.  We.  are.  FREE.  It is good to know what we are set free from.  However, many times we forget to see it as what we are set free for.  Through the death and resurrection of Jesus we have been set free to live as people of the resurrection.  We are set free for serving our neighbors near and far.  We are set free for the work of justice and peace.  We are set free for loving one another.  

We have new life and are called to share the Good News with the world around us.  So go ahead . . . spread the news . . . You have been set free!

CHRIST IS RISEN!!!

HE IS RISEN INDEED!

ALLELUIA!!!  ALLELUIA!!!

Holy Saturday and Reality

I can not even imagine what was going through the minds of the disciples the day after Jesus was crucified.  The man that taught them, ate with them, traveled with them, called them his friends was brutally killed.  These people spent years of their lives following Jesus.  They were part of his intimate conversations.  They were part of his miracles.  They were part of his ministry.  Then they were left alone.  That Saturday must have been filled with utter disbelief and dismay.  I can not even imagine. 

How do you face reality in the wake of the crucifixion?

Like the disciples, in this day and age we tend to find ourselves living in that reality now.  We know of the suffering of the crucifixion.  We are also living without the physical presence of our Lord and Savior. The reality that we find ourselves in can be one of doubt.  I imagine there was significant doubt running through the minds of the disciples.  Just as I know there is, at times, significant doubt running through the minds of modern day disciples.  Was Jesus really the Son of God?  Did he really die on the cross for the redemption of creation?  Is everything he said and taught true? 

Reality.  We have doubts.  We have questions.  We are humans with fickle faith.

Reality then and reality now. 

Although, the Good News is that we have a God so good and so great that he meets us in that reality.  God is good.  All the time.
All the time.  God is good.
Even in the midst of reality.  

Good Friday, Tie Dye and Suffering

Good Friday is a hard day for me.  Personally, I am very much into the melancholy vibe and dwelling in the suffering.  However, that's hard to do and it's hard to explain when you have little ones.  So, Kevin and I started a new Good Friday tradition last year and had the opportunity to continue it today.  I must say . . . it's a beautiful thing.

Earlier in the week I scrounged through Goodwill looking for old linen tablecloths.  It didn't really matter if they were a bit stained.  It actually works better if they are stained a bit.  I gathered up tie dye supplies, washed up the table cloths and had a children's Bible on hand.  It was a beautiful morning of stories and questions. 

"M*" read us the story of the Last Supper.  Then she passed the Bible on to "K" for the crucifixion scripture.  We paused for questions and answers.  The conversation moved to what Jesus must have felt like while he was on the cross.  We talked about how much he loves each and every one of us. 

Then came the tie dye.  We related the rubber bands and zip ties to Christ being beaten and mocked.  He was bound to the cross by spikes.  Jesus took on the sins of the world himself.  He was stained with our shame, our guilt.  Like we dyed the fabric, Jesus was washed over with the dye of our sinfulness.  

When the pieces were all done we wrapped them up.  They will sit in the basement for three days.  On Easter morning we'll see what new life the tablecloths will have.  By their vivid colors we will be reminded what new life we have in Christ through his resurrection.  What fun it will be to pass that reminder on to someone else!

Our family has so much fun with our Good Friday Bible study and project.  On the flip side, it's really hard to talk with our little ones about Christ's death and suffering.  It is essential though.  Obviously these conversations need to be age appropriate, however, they must happen.  All too often we want to just jump into Easter morning.  The joy of the Risen Christ!  The happiness.  They relief.  The promise for us.  However, we can participate in that joy only as much as we're willing to dwell in the suffering on Good Friday.  If we skip the grief and loss on Friday then our celebration on Sunday is . . . well . . . empty.  Christ suffers with us and we must wade through the suffering on Good Friday. 

When I survey the wondrous cross
on which the Prince of glory died,
my richest gain I count but loss,
and pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast
save in the death of Christ, my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them through his blood.

See, from his head, his hands, his feet,
sorrow and love flow mingled down.
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet,
or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
that were a present far too small.
Love so amazing, so divine,
demands my soul, my life, my all. 

This is one of my favorite Good Friday hymns.  By the time I start singing the third stanza I'm in tears.  "Sorrow and love flow mingled down."  On the cross Christ's suffering and love are intertwined.  They can't be separated.  Christ's never ending love for us means that he was willing to suffer and die for us.  In response what are we called to?  "Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all."  Amen.

Maundy Thursday and Solidarity

The church youth and I have recently been diving into a Bible study to prepare them for an upcoming youth gathering.  The study moves through the end of Holy Week with the following themes . . . Solidarity, Suffering, Reality and Resurrection.  These themes have really hit home for me this year. 

When he had washed their feet, and taken his garments, and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you?  You call me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am.  If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.  For I have given you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you.  Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him.  If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.  John 13:14-17

Jesus shows us how to live in solidarity by serving others.  As the Body of Christ we are called into place-sharing with those around us.  In this way we are required to both serve and be served by others in the name of Jesus Christ.  We share equally the responsibility of ministering to one another.  In doing so, we bear the light of Christ to others while still seeing the light reflecting from others. 

I had the honor and privilege once again of witnessing this exchange among the children of my congregation.  For the last eight weeks the children and I have been working to prepare them for their First Communion.  It all culminates in one fantastic night with a Maundy Thursday worship service.  During Holy Communion the children are called forward individually along with their families.  One by one, I gave them the Body of Christ.  Grape juice was poured into their hand painted chalice and they took their first Communion.  In turn, they stood beside me.  I watched as I gave each family member a wafer and then it was dipped into the child's own chalice.  I can not explain the goosebumps.  I watched mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and grandparents take a wafer and misty eyed hear the words "blood of Christ shed for you" come whispered off the lips of their child.  Holy Ground.  Place sharing.  Solidarity as we ministered to one another to night.

My heart is full and my soul refreshed by the faith of those young ones.

Grief, Joy and Following God's Call

If you ask my middle daughter, "S", what her favorite Bible story is she will tell you . . . Jonah and the big fish.  (Don't mistake that with Jonah and the whale.  She will correct you that the story is Jonah and the big fish!)  I still haven't figured out why she likes this story so much.  "S" has poured over her children's Bible.  Now she reads her full text Bible.  However, this portion remains her top pick.

While there are many pieces we can draw out of this scripture, the one that glares right at me revolves around what God asks us to do.  We are people with a calling.  Each and every one of us has a calling from God.  This does not mean that God has masterminded a plan for our lives.  We are not merely puppets dancing to God's every whim.  What we are is people that are given gifts and talents and opportunities to use them . . . or not.  It's our choice.  However, when we aren't fulfilling our call situations can get interesting.  For instance, we could spend some quality time with the insides of a big fish. 

It is difficult to determine our call in life.  Even more challenging is the difficulty determining and coming to terms with our call changing.  Welcome to my current world.  Over the past weeks I have been wading the waters of what God is calling me to and where God is calling me to.  Grief and joy wage a battle against each other that neither wins.  Grief for what my family and I are leaving behind . . . a wonderful community of caring people, a home that fits us just right, familiarity from the past five years.  Joy for what we're about to embark upon . . . a new congregation that is welcoming us with open arms, an adventure to discover a new place, opportunities to share our faith and live it out loud with the community around us.  Neither joy nor grief will win the battle.  Both are necessary parts of change and transition.  

I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to have served as Director of Youth and Family Ministry with Emmanuel Lutheran Church.  It is an amazing congregation filled with faithful people.  As we journey our last couple months together I am reminded of the road we have traveled.  It has been one of blessing, growth and discipleship.  The experiences, relationships and ministry with the congregation and community will leave a lasting mark on my life, my ministry and my family.  I can not say thank you enough.

As I look forward excitement fills me.  There is an adventure waiting for me and my family in serving with the congregation of Pilgrim Lutheran Church as their Minister of Community Life Formation.  It's a change in what God is calling me to.  Discipleship and relationships are driving this ministry into new territory.  I'm energized to be a part of the journey. 

I would appreciate your prayers as we walk this path of change.  Prayers for my change in call, prayers for my husband and children in their transition and prayers for both congregations as we walk the line of grief and joy respectively.  Thank you all!

Last night I held my daughter for the first time

I woke this morning startled. 

I had a dream.

A vivid life-like dream.

I was at church hosting a family ministry event.  The room was filled with people.  It was buzzing with chatter and children running about.  There was a multicolored carpet on the floor where parents sat with their children.  Kevin was sitting on the floor.  "K" was about 9 months old and laying on the floor in front of him.  She was happy.  Rolling from side to side playing with her feet.  Kevin's father sat in a chair next to them.  His legs were crossed with his arm propping up his chin.  He was watching "K" with a loving look on his face.

It was about time for me to kick off the ministry event, but I couldn't.  I was holding this little girl.  She was about 3 years old.  Her flawless porcelain skin contrasted against her bright sapphire eyes.  They sparkled and shown with love.  Loose ringlets of blonde hair framed her face.  The rest of her hair sat in a curly pom pom on top of her head.  She wore a white dress.  It was studded with silver sequins and billowed in a poof of taffeta and tulle around her legs. 

She just stared at me.  I held her.  It felt normal.  Nothing like holding just any child.  There was a familiarity with holding her.  I was needing to start the family ministry event.  However, I couldn't.  She would not let me put her down.  She never cried or fussed, but she wanted to be held more than anything in the world. I simply held her and looked at her. 

Suddenly, I realized who she was.

Then I immediately woke up . . . startled. 


Back up to 2004.  Kevin and I wanted to start a family so badly.  In late July we found out we were expecting.  The due date was April 3rd.  We were overjoyed.  The little one quickly developed a nickname . . . Auggie.  Kevin and I started thinking and planning for the future.  However, on August 11th our joy flipped into despair.  I miscarried the baby.  The grief was almost unbearable. 

The moment of grief turned into hours, then days and then months.  This time of mourning brought about so many questions.  We considered what our journey would look like.  Would we have to go through extensive fertility treatments?  Would we consider adoption?  There were so many conversations about what our future would hold.  However, each talk brought us back to feeling called by God to be parents.  We were eventually blessed with our twins "M*" and "S."  Then not quite 2 years later God entrusted us to be parents for "K."  Eventually we entered into the adoptions of "T" and "M^."  Our family has grown and has weathered some pretty rocky storms over the years.

Losing our first child was extremely difficult to say the least.  However, out of that Kevin and I had some amazing conversations and really came to an understanding of what God was calling us to.  If we had Auggie today we certainly would not have "M*" and "S."  If we had not lost Auggie would we have so seriously considered adoption?  I don't know the answer to that question.  We do not, in any shape or form, believe that God makes bad things happen.  However, we do believe that out of tragedy and suffering God can work in our hearts for good.  God used this tragedy in our lives to broaden our idea of what it meant to be parents.  God used the grief in our hearts to open it to the possibilities of adopting children in need of a family.  And finally, last night God used a dream to give me the gift of being able to hold the precious little girl we lost almost 10 years ago.

Smoldering Tuesday . . . 2015

Happy Smoldering Tuesday!  You might be wondering . . . what is Smoldering Tuesday?  The day before Ash Wednesday has become a very significant day for the Burke family. 

It started off back in 2012 with God taking over my mouth and asking Kevin if we were really going to do this adoption thing or not.  It was real.  I don't remember thinking that thought.  It just came out of my mouth.  God was totally involved in that!  You can read more about our Smoldering Tuesday story on a previous post...
http://ajourneybutnotalone.blogspot.com/2013/09/smoldering-tuesday.html

Smoldering Tuesday started a chain of events that have led to the amazingly wonderful "T" and "M^" joining our family.  The beginning of our journey to adoption was significant, however Smoldering Tuesday is now about even more than that for us.  That day God worked in both Kevin and I to open our hearts to his will for us and our purpose in the world.  That particular day we started a journey.  Each anniversary of Smoldering Tuesday we are again reminded of God's love for us, his work within us and also through us. 

Kevin and I both feel compelled to continually listen to God speaking into our lives and into the lives of our children.  When we take the time to listen here are some of the things we hear . . .

1.  Be defined only by "whose" you are. 

So many times we as human beings try to define ourselves by stuff.  Our houses, our cars, the things around us.  We define ourselves by what we are . . . a wife, a son, a teacher, a lawyer.  We find all sorts of outside influences to help us define who or what we are.  None of those can get at the core of our being.  At the core . . . we are God's.  We are God's chosen beloved children.  Nothing can define us more perfectly.  Nothing should ever define us above that. 

2.  Love others.

This is hard.  We are called by Jesus to love others, however not just the others that we want to love.  We are called to love all others.  The ones it is easy to love as well as the ones that we don't want to love.  Our friends and our enemies. 

3.  Love God.

More than anything else we are called to love our creator and sustainer.  He loves us perfectly.  We are called to love him above anything else.  Nothing should come before God. 

It sounds so simple.  However, that is the mantra that we are reminded of each Smoldering Tuesday (and quite often in between!)  Kevin and I are called to love God, love others and live as children of God. As we walk through life we are called to teach our children the same. 

What is God calling you to?  What is God saying to you in your life?  Make time to talk to God.  However, more importantly, make time to listen. 

Happy Smoldering Tuesday.  Amen.