Hurricanes, Disappointment and God's Call... Haiti, T minus TBD

I left the house this morning ready to go.  Half way to church to pick up my travel companions I get a call.... our trip to Haiti is postponed.  There is a hurricane churning in the Caribbean.  It is currently at a category 4 and there are just so many uncertainties.  I completely trust and support the decisions of our director and leaders.  At the same time, I am so disappointed.  I am ready to go to Haiti, and I'm ready right NOW!

That is where I must stop and think.

This trip is not about me.

This trip is not about me.

When I pout and stomp my feet (which I did do a little this morning) I am making this about me.

This immersion trip is not at all about me.

There are so many factors that go into this experience.  Yes, I feel called.  I feel beckoned.  I even feel like I am being pulled toward Haiti.  Yet, at the same time God is up to bigger things.  I, in no way, believe God causes bad things to happen.  However, I know that God has a lot to teach us through each situation we encounter in life.

Hmmmmm... I wonder what I'm supposed to learn through this.

• I am not in control.
• There are factors in this world that no one can control.
• There is a big picture.
• I am privileged to be able to avoid hurricanes.
• I do not have the full knowledge of what this situation entails.
• Most importantly, just because I want to go to Haiti NOW, doesn't mean it is exactly the right timing.
• This list will undoubtedly grow as I continue to process.

In conversation with Haitian Timoun Foundation's director, there are so many pieces that need to be considered.  If our group from the United States travels around Haiti we have no guarantee that the roads will be open.  They are predicting 10-15 inches of rainfall.  Mudslides will be a factor.  The Haitian leader of our group would be traveling away from his family.  That would be completely inappropriate to take him away from them during this weather.  We would put undue strain on the ministry partners we would be visiting.  They shouldn't have to worry about some Americans immersed in their country and culture during a natural disaster.  They will have enough on their plates keeping the children and families they serve safe.  This trip and this timing is clearly not about me.

God calls us to serve, to listen, to see, to share and to accompany others.  He also calls us to recognize that it is not about us.  It is about His ministry in the world.  I am going to try to let that sink in while I watch The Weather Channel and pray that we can fly to Haiti on Monday!

Packing, Hurricanes and Privilege... Haiti, T minus 1 day

My bed is full of clothes and toiletries.  The cat is sleeping in my suitcase... for now.  The television is on.  I've been listening to The Weather Channel all morning.

I leave for Haiti tomorrow morning with a crew from Pilgrim Lutheran Church for our Haitian Timoun Foundation Immersion Trip.  There also happens to be Hurricane Matthew in the Caribbean.  Now, before anyone worries... Yes, I have been in conversation with HTF's director.  Yes, we are watching the weather and are in contact with the HTF leaders in Haiti.  Yes, we are making plans for safety.

And that, folks, is what has brought me to the topic of privilege.  I know it's a buzz word that creates a milieu of emotions and defensiveness from some people.  I am aware that the idea of privilege is very misunderstood and therefore elicits strong reactions.  Guess what... we need to discuss it anyway.

Right now, I'm sitting in a position of first-world privilege.  I have a plane ticket to Haiti.  I am watching television.  I am hearing news about the weather.  I am able to prepare for the different scenarios.  Ultimately, I have the choice on whether to go as planned or cancel.  (By the way, it would take a lot and a dire circumstance for me to cancel.)  I am sitting in a position of privilege.  Even if a hurricane was headed toward my community here in the states, I would still have many options.  Boarding up my home, sandbags, evacuation.

While I have not yet been to Haiti, I can imagine what must be happening.  There are probably people in the more developed areas that are aware of the impending weather.  Some might even be able to make a few preparations.  However, my gut tells me that there are probably many of the people that have no idea that a hurricane is churning just South of their county.  Even if they were aware of weather heading their way there are no resources to safeguard their families and homes.  Evacuation certainly would not even be an option for them.

Here I am, sitting in my privilege.  There is nothing that I did to receive this privilege.  I just happened to be born in the United States where these resources happen to be available to me.  It just is.  And because it just is, I have the responsibility to recognize it, acknowledge it, learn from it and speak up.  Privilege exists in so many forms.  It is not isolated to one group, one country or one era.  Here are some things that we need to know about privilege in all it's forms...

• Privilege is a set of unearned benefits that are given to a certain group of people.  It can come with identity, race, class, gender, sexual orientation, language, geography, ability, religion, etc.  However, it is so much more than this basic definition.
• When we talk about privilege there is a conversation about oppression and power that can quickly follow.
• Having privilege doesn't mean that aspects of life weren't hard for us.  Even through adversity there are still privileges that we have.  This is a complicated concept.  
• When we discuss privilege we must set aside our own defensiveness and fragility and look at the holistic scenario.

Conversations about privilege are hard and complicated.  However, that doesn't mean we can shy away from them.  This is just the beginning of a deeper, longer, genuine and sensitive dialogue.  A conversation that must take place on multiple levels so that all may have life, and have it abundantly.

Immersion... Haiti, T minus 3 days

Do you ever have those times in your life when most waking minutes are spent with one particular subject in mind?  Usually they are profound moments during your life, both good and bad.  Preparing for your wedding, expecting the arrival of a child, new jobs, retirement.  Or maybe it is the flip side... the death of a loved one, terminal illness, an uncertain future.  My mind must be equipping itself for a profound experience.  Lately, when my mind has time to wander I find myself thinking about Haiti.  

What will it be like?

What will I be most surprised by?

What will break my heart?

Where will I see God at work?

How will I change because of my experience?

How am I going to share this with others?

The list could go on and on and on.  This trip is so different then my other trips abroad.  As a young adult, I traveled in Norway for vacation.  In recent years, Kevin and I traveled to Ethiopia for the adoption of two of our daughters.  This Haiti Immersion Trip is a much different type of trip.  It is most certainly not vacation.  This trip is not, at all, about me.  It is not about relaxing or entertainment.  This is also very different than my travels to Ethiopia.  I am not appearing in a foreign court.  I am not meeting my daughter for the first time.  I don't have to worry about medical approvals, paperwork and immigration visas.  

This Haiti Immersion Trip is about... immersion.  We are not descending upon this country to wield hammers and paintbrushes.  We are not building any structures, not repairing homes, not painting schools.  We are not white North Americans rushing in to save anyone.  We are not teaching, preaching or fixing.  

Maybe by now you're asking.... "Amanda, why then are you going to Haiti?"  

I am going to Haiti to see.  I want to see what God is already up to in this country and with these people.  My eyes long to watch the gospel of Christ lived out instead of being merely talked about.  

I am going to Haiti to listen.  I want to hear the stories of Haitians.  I want to listen to the children at Wings of Hope laugh.  I want hear about young Haitians being financially supported through H.E.L.P. in their quest for a college education

I am going to Haiti to learn.  I will be there to witness and learn about Haitian Timoun Foundation and how it walks alongside the people of Haiti.  I want to know how I can, my family can and others can support these efforts so that all may have life.  

I am going to Haiti to have my heart broken.  I fully expect that I will witness so much hope in the face of so much adversity.  I know that the poverty in Haiti will tear my heart to pieces.  I anticipate that I will never look at Haiti, at my life or the world around with the same lens.  

I am going to Haiti to be immersed in it's community.  I am going to see, to listen, to learn and to be broken by this place and its people.  This trip has nothing to do with me.  It has everything to do with the stories I'm called to share, the ministry I'm called to lift up, the people I'm called to walk alongside and the God that loves us all.

Must Do, Can't Fails.... A Sabbath Pondering

Today I feel like my brain might just explode.  The things swirling in there lead me down multiple trains of thought at a time.  What ifs?  What is to come?  What is the path?  How will we know it is the right one?

As I continue my reading and pondering of Bolsinger's book, Canoeing the Mountains, I can't help but pause to consider the deep ramifications of his insight.

"Before we are able to help people discover new lessons or insights, we must prove ourselves trustworthy in protecting the core of beliefs that give a congregation its identity."  (Bolsinger, Tod E. Canoeing the Mountains: Christian Leadership in Uncharted Territory. Downers Grove: InterVarsity, 2015. Print. Pg 55)

I have heard other people talk about this in terms of "must do, can't fail."  What are the pieces of church life that we must accomplish?  What is it that would be catastrophic if it failed?

What about worship.... is... "Worship is central to our community" a core belief in churches?  More than likely.  That makes sense.  However what happens when there are different qualifications knowingly or unknowingly put on that core belief?

"Worship is central to our community" BUT....

• worship is only worship when it is traditional
• worship is only worship when it is contemporary
• worship is only worship when the pastor is leading all pieces
• worship is only worship when the choir is robed and singing
• worship is only worship when it is in the sanctuary
• worship can't take place in people's homes
• worship is only worship when we read all of the  lessons prescribed for that Sunday

We could do the same for another aspect of ministry that I'm deeply familiar with.... children's and youth ministry.  "Youth ministry is central to our faith community."  Many churches tout this among their core beliefs.  However, even that has qualifications placed on it.

"Youth ministry is central to our faith community" BUT...

• children and youth should not be allowed to serve communion
• children and youth are not welcome in worship unless they can be perfectly quiet
• children and youth should only use parts of the building designated for them
• children and youth should only help lead worship as acolytes and on youth Sunday
• children and youth should be educated in the faith only at church, we are not responsible for it in our homes

I could go on and on.  We could do the same for communion, for outreach, for stewardship, for mission, for small groups for each and every thing a congregation held true and fast.  I guess my ultimate point is that it is really difficult pinning down what a community's core beliefs are because there are so many qualifications that are attached to them.  Often times there are different factions in congregations that apply different qualifications.  So many voices.  How do you sort out where the congregation's true identity lies when you must wade through all the ands, ifs, and buts that are both acknowledged and hidden?

And now to go think of that some more...

Growing Edges of Sabbath

I rarely have the time to just sit and ponder.  Sabbath has afforded me the opportunity to deeply focus on what God is calling me to, where the church is going, and how that fits together in my life.  The book I am reading, my guide for Sabbath this week, is taking me on a journey.  I'm curious to see where that leads.  In the meantime... here is what is swimming in my brain.

"Just as Lewis and Clark functioned under a set of geographical assumptions, leaders of the church in the West today have been operating under a set of philosophical, theological and ecclesiological assumptions."  (Bolsinger, Tod E. Canoeing the Mountains: Christian Leadership in Uncharted Territory. Downers Grove: InterVarsity, 2015. Print. Pg 27)

 Just as Lewis and Clark made assumptions about what their journey would be like, we too make assumptions about ministry, about congregations, about leadership.  I keep turning the question over and around in my mind.  What are the assumptions we make in churches today?  

• Everyone around us has at least basic knowledge of the Christian faith.  
• Churches have a pedestal position in society.
• If we offer more programs people will come back to church.
• Others should do mission.  I'll just write a check.  
• Church involvement is an indication of strength of personal faith.  
• Faith is only something that we need to worry about on Sunday mornings, well on Sunday mornings that are convenient.  
• Ministry is completely the pastor's, music minister's, youth minister's and church professional's job.  That is what we pay them for.
• If we turn back to what worked in the 1950s and 1960s church will be vibrant again.
• Children and youth should receive Christian education and faith development from the church and church professionals.  
• Money and finances are a taboo subject for churches to discuss.  
• We are the only church/denomination that does things correctly.  
• All of those that are part of a church should agree with one another.  

These are all assumptions, all myths.  We as churches and as church leaders cannot continue living in assumption.  While some of these may have seemed to be true in the past, we are facing a very different scene in 2016.  The world is rapidly changing.  I know that is painful for some people to hear.  I get it, truly I do.  I think back to all of the changes people have seen in just the last 100 years.  My grandmother was born in 1924.  Growing up she did not have indoor toilets and was educated in a one room school house.  By the time she passed away in 2003 there were microwaves, computers, cell phones.  That is a lot of change in her lifetime.  Technologically, socially, culturally, educationally.  I can only imagine the changes I will see in my lifetime.  The pace of change seems to be quicker and quicker each year.  The church is no different.  Others have said it and I will say it as well.  If faith communities are to survive they must put assumptions aside and rethink and retool for the future that is to come.  It means evaluating and keeping what tradition is life giving to a community, developing discipleship and looking towards the ever changing future of God's mission in the world.  

And now to go ponder that a little more....

Leaning into Sabbath

Ministry.  When I stop to consider, I really know nothing else.  I have worked in ministry my entire adult life.  While it has been, and continues to be, the most rewarding thing I can dream of.... it is still immensely tiring.  I am positive I am not alone in this.  

So, it is with the deepest thanks to my congregation's leadership that, I (and the other full time staff) have a week of Sabbath.  For me, Sabbath means the swing of the pendulum between rest and work shifts.  For a few days I have been able to rest and abide with my children as they prepare for school and the next season in our household.  As the week continues I am shifting toward fruitfulness, looking for growth while I am gifted the time to focus without distraction.

While in search for a meaningful accompaniment to my Sabbath week, my long time mentor suggested a book... Canoeing the Mountains by Tod Bolsinger.  This is my guide for the remainder of my week.  It looks to be quite the journey ahead.  The beautiful thing is that I am not alone.