I am paralyzed with nothing to say . . . because there is everything to say

Up to now I have been silent on this issue.  My silence isn't a sign of apathy or ignorance.  Nor is it a sign of glazing over a hot button issue for the sake of what make appear as peace.  

I have stayed silent because I honestly don't know what to say.  

I look at my beautiful children.  

Two have blue eyes.  Three have brown eyes.  

Two have golden hair.  One has brunette hair.  Two have deeply black ebony hair.  

Three have hair straight as an arrow.  One has hair that can hang in pencil curls.  One has hair that is curlier and kinkier than you could even begin to imagine.

Three have fair lily white skin.  Two have skin that is deep chocolate brown.

Five are beautiful from the inside to the outside.  Beautiful just as God created them to be.

Tonight, I watch on as Kevin sits on the couch deep in conversation with "M^".  As I noticed they were talking earlier, he gave me the cue to put the younger ones to bed.  The cue was . . . "we're having a conversation about race."  You see, my absolutely amazing husband is much stronger than I am.  I am unable to even compose this blog post without tears streaming down my face.  Let alone have a conversation with our sweet "M^" about the ugly truth that plagues this world.  

We recently moved.  I am not naive.  I knew full well that when we chose to move to the deep south there would be different kinds of racial tensions.  Little did I know that about a week after we moved terror would strike a mere 125 miles away.  While we do talk age appropriately with our children about most things that happen in the world around us . . . this time I feel I am paralyzed with nothing to say . . . because there is everything to say.  

I look at my beautiful children.

As the world stands now . . . 

Three will be judged differently by their paperwork and applications . . . because of the look and sound of their names.

Two will be paid less when they are hired for a job . . . because of their skin color.

Two will be looked at differently by security guards and police officers . . . because of their skin color.

Two are hated by some people in this world . . . solely because of their skin color.

Two are treated differently . . . 

Two are considered . . .

Two are . . . 

Two . . .

I could go on endlessly.  There are so many elements to this issue.  Wait . . . that's not fair to call it an issue.  Racial issues.  No.  This is life for people.  It's not only an issue when it is the life you live.  White privilege allows whites to consider this an issue.  It is NOT an issue.  It is so MUCH MORE THAN AN ISSUE!!!  It is people's lives that we're discussing when we discuss racism.  We need to understand that.  Right now I'm trying to wrap my brain around understanding that with my amazing daughters.  Some who look different than me.  Some who come from a different place than me.  Some who will experience racism not as an issue, but as life.  It all starts with conversation.  For right now I am paralyzed with nothing to say . . . because there is everything to say.  In my home right now, Kevin is able to say those words.  However, the time has come for all of us to have conversation.  To not be afraid of the words, the emotions, the guilt.  It is time for us to face racism as it unfortunately is . . . a deeply seeded life experience.  It is time for conversation.  It is time for holding people accountable.  It is a time for change.  The time is now.