I am paralyzed with nothing to say . . . because there is everything to say

Up to now I have been silent on this issue.  My silence isn't a sign of apathy or ignorance.  Nor is it a sign of glazing over a hot button issue for the sake of what make appear as peace.  

I have stayed silent because I honestly don't know what to say.  

I look at my beautiful children.  

Two have blue eyes.  Three have brown eyes.  

Two have golden hair.  One has brunette hair.  Two have deeply black ebony hair.  

Three have hair straight as an arrow.  One has hair that can hang in pencil curls.  One has hair that is curlier and kinkier than you could even begin to imagine.

Three have fair lily white skin.  Two have skin that is deep chocolate brown.

Five are beautiful from the inside to the outside.  Beautiful just as God created them to be.

Tonight, I watch on as Kevin sits on the couch deep in conversation with "M^".  As I noticed they were talking earlier, he gave me the cue to put the younger ones to bed.  The cue was . . . "we're having a conversation about race."  You see, my absolutely amazing husband is much stronger than I am.  I am unable to even compose this blog post without tears streaming down my face.  Let alone have a conversation with our sweet "M^" about the ugly truth that plagues this world.  

We recently moved.  I am not naive.  I knew full well that when we chose to move to the deep south there would be different kinds of racial tensions.  Little did I know that about a week after we moved terror would strike a mere 125 miles away.  While we do talk age appropriately with our children about most things that happen in the world around us . . . this time I feel I am paralyzed with nothing to say . . . because there is everything to say.  

I look at my beautiful children.

As the world stands now . . . 

Three will be judged differently by their paperwork and applications . . . because of the look and sound of their names.

Two will be paid less when they are hired for a job . . . because of their skin color.

Two will be looked at differently by security guards and police officers . . . because of their skin color.

Two are hated by some people in this world . . . solely because of their skin color.

Two are treated differently . . . 

Two are considered . . .

Two are . . . 

Two . . .

I could go on endlessly.  There are so many elements to this issue.  Wait . . . that's not fair to call it an issue.  Racial issues.  No.  This is life for people.  It's not only an issue when it is the life you live.  White privilege allows whites to consider this an issue.  It is NOT an issue.  It is so MUCH MORE THAN AN ISSUE!!!  It is people's lives that we're discussing when we discuss racism.  We need to understand that.  Right now I'm trying to wrap my brain around understanding that with my amazing daughters.  Some who look different than me.  Some who come from a different place than me.  Some who will experience racism not as an issue, but as life.  It all starts with conversation.  For right now I am paralyzed with nothing to say . . . because there is everything to say.  In my home right now, Kevin is able to say those words.  However, the time has come for all of us to have conversation.  To not be afraid of the words, the emotions, the guilt.  It is time for us to face racism as it unfortunately is . . . a deeply seeded life experience.  It is time for conversation.  It is time for holding people accountable.  It is a time for change.  The time is now.

First Day Jitters

Feeling a little anxious.  Jittery.  Nervous.  Not sure if I'm nauseous or going to wet my pants.  Yeah, pretty much like the night before my first day of junior high school.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new adventure with the amazing people of Pilgrim Lutheran Church.  I feel blessed beyond measure for this opportunity.  It is a new call in a new direction.  I'm excited to live into what it means to be a minister of community life formation.  It's time to live a life of discipleship up, in and out!  (More on all that awesomeness in later blogs!)

Prayer always helps me calm those jitters.  So, here is my prayer for this evening...

Abba, Father,

I kneel before you this evening humbled by the opportunity to serve in the world you created.  Walk with me as this new call to ministry unfolds.  Be by my side as I strive to serve the people of Pilgrim and the community surrounding this congregation.  Work in the hearts of these partners in ministry as we learn together what it means to be your followers in our daily lives.  Bring us alongside one another to praise you, to develop relationships that feed our faith and to serve those around us.  

In your ever holy and gracious name I pray.

Amen.

(and if prayer doesn't calm things down, there is a large bottle of wine in the fridge!)

Our stressful, wonderful, crazy, challenging, and inspirational week!

It is a strange thing . . . packing up all of your worldly possessions, traveling across the country and then setting down new roots.  It has been quite the adventure thus far.  Here are some snip-its of our journey in words and images.

We had boxes . . . 

a LOT of boxes!

All of the kids were amazing with helping to pack!

Kevin's mom, Iva, was here helping pack too!  Her "catch phrase" ended up on some of the boxes as well.

Of course we had sweet messages from other's as well!

This was my favorite box because . . . you know . . . who packs CDs with a Martin Luther Costume in a Seagram's whiskey box!

The POD arrived and we packed about 1/3 of our possessions in it.  Not to be seen for about a year!

"M^" was an amazing help loading the POD.

I'm not sure they could have packed much more in there.

It was great having both Kevin's mom and my parents there to help with the packing.

The girls awesome bunk beds had to be disassembled.  

Then, as the departure date drew near the big truck arrived.  

Of course, we made time to stage pics of Kevin working while the rest of us lounged!

It seemed like there were a million boxes to pack into the truck.

Somehow they all started fitting in!

"S" was so sleepy from packing that she fell asleep on the couch inside the moving truck.

Amazingly it all fit.

The kitties traveled in their crates and did wonderfully!

It was so nice to have such amazing friends journey with us!

First lunch break on the road.

"M^" was good as long as she had her tunes!

The big truck was a popular place to ride for all the kiddos.

Thor was the guard cat at the hotel.  No one was coming in that room without him noticing.

A little early morning breakfast.

Who wouldn't love lunch with a crown!

The kiddos had a blast with the walkie talkies.  We played name that song between cars!

Thor in his digs for the trip.

Debby had a carrot war at the gas station.  Yeah, I know . . . only Debby!

We drove through some beautiful scenery.  

Of course I had a view of the back of the U-haul for the majority of the trip.  

There was an EPIC sing-along in my vehicle!

With the sing-along also came lots of caffine!

We found some refreshments at our stop for the night!

Along with some silliness at the hotels!

We finally arrived!

The girls had to roll around in the empty rooms.

The unloading soon began.  

Debby and Iva arranged the kitchen.  

The girls "arranged" their room.

Each day the living room looked more and more livable.  

"M^" enjoyed having "S*" help her unpack into her very own room.

The girls were so good to help with EVERYTHING.  They were amazing!

"M^"s comment when I took this picture was . . . "Debbbbbbbby, this is a working picture, not a hugging picture!"

First real dinner in our new house!

Of course, followed by ice cream and a movie!

After getting settled in a bit, we had to check out the local parks at the schools and the church.

There were a few issues though.  When we arrived our sewer didn't work.  A few days later the plumbing under the kitchen sink broke and we had water everywhere.  On the bright side everything is now working and we've only had to kill one scorpion in our house!  

Sunday was wonderful.  It was like we finally got to the other half of our move, our faith community.

 After church we had to sample some of the local cuisine . . . boiled peanuts.  The girls have had canned ones before.  However, the fresh ones are, oh, so much better.  

This week has been nothing short of stressful, wonderful, crazy, challenging, and inspirational.  I'm looking forward to see what next week has in store for us!  I'll be starting my new position at Pilgrim Lutheran Church and the girls will be attending their MAD2+ Camp (VBS).  It's bound to be another adventure!