When we were in the process of adopting we had a lot of "hoops" to jump through. Some were low and easy. Some were higher and took a little bit to get through. Some felt like they were on fire and we were risking it all to jump through them. One of these "hoops" was all of the adoption education we had to do. This hoop wasn't all that difficult. However, it was time consuming. There were books to read, webinars to watch, conversations to have and worksheets to pour over. By the time Kevin and I finished all the adoption education we were required to do, I felt like I was filled to the brim with knowledge about what it would be like to live as a family created through adoption. Yet, at the same exact time I felt completely unprepared and unworthy of being the parent of a child that was adopted. There were just so many factors and so many variables that would determine how our expanding family would function.
Since we've had the girls home, there have definitely been struggles from all sides. Language barriers. Culture shocks. Unrealistic expectations. Re-allotting time, attention and affection. I could go on . . . and on . . . If any family formed through adoption paints a completely rosy picture for others . . . they are lying. We have struggled. More at times and less at other times. However, every single situation we have found ourselves in has resulted in us learning something about ourselves, our daughters and what it means to be a family.
Some ideas that, for now, we've had to set our minds on during the most recent part of our journey. It might not always look like this. However, for now this is life . . .
We must live day to day. This does not mean that you don't plan for or anticipate the future. For me, it simply means that there are times that it is vital to set your priorities based on the needs of that particular moment.
We know that this is a long journey not a sprint. The language will come eventually. Catching up with school takes time. Relationships take a while to build. When children are in your arms from their first breath you seem to have all the time in the world to help them grow, mature, learn and develop into the amazing people God created them to be. When little people (or even ones that are a couple inches taller than you) enter your life, not as infants, but as children or teens, you are faced with the sense of a fixed amount of time to raise them to adulthood. That can be scary.
We have to be honest about how things are going. At least with ourselves. This is hard for me. So many people ask me how things are going with our family. Most of the time I smile and say "Wonderful!" It's true, things are wonderful with our family! Truly wonderful! However, it's not a completely honest answer. There are some rough patches and it can be hard to be honest about that. Not every person needs all, or even some of the details. Many of the things that we struggle with are personal, private and part of our children's personal story that won't be shared. It is times like this that I deeply appreciate the knowing look of other parents of children that were adopted and their question of "How are you?" That communicates so much without the need for many words. Thanks.
I feel like I will have many different phases similar, yet different from this. It will be an ever evolving outlook on life and family. However, there is one thing that will stay constant and steady. Above anything else we live in love. This has been demonstrated very well through our family and in particular "T" and "M^". As "T" has developed with her English we have been privy to many ideas and concepts that float through her thoughts. She is quite the thinker. On numerous occasions "T" has looked at me with her deep brown eyes. With a steady gaze she says "I love our family." Admittedly, I get a little misty eyed and have to quickly reply "me too" before I totally lose it and start blubbering. It's really awesome though. I love, that she loves, our family. I love our family too. Even though there is still a big language barrier with "M^" she's able to share her love for us and vice versa. While at the hospital we had access to a translating system. As the doctors finished using it to explain a procedure they asked if "M^" wanted to tell us, her parents, anything. After she said no, the wonderful interpreter encouraged her in Amharic. "Don't you want to tell them hello. Or maybe you should tell them 'I love you.'" "M^" quickly replied back, still in Amharic, "I don't need you to tell them 'I love you' for me! I can say that in English!" 'I love you' is a phrase that is heard often in our household. But make no mistake it is not taken lightly. Those words are not just tossed around. They are said, felt and meant with great weight and meaning.
I am positive that there will be more struggles in the future. Some that we may not even see coming our way. I still feel like we are filled to the brim with knowledge about
what it is like to live as a family created through adoption.
Yet, still, at the same exact time I feel completely unprepared and totally unworthy of
being the parent, not only of the children that were adopted but also born to us. I think that might be a good thing. It'll keep me on my toes and most definitely grounded in the love that we share.
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